This post is basically me just talking because I need to talk at someone. Some people might have seen this post in the shout box a few days ago: http://imgur.com/gallery/AW8WPlt I know Saib responded but ya know, stuff gets put in there all the time. To give it some context: My mate from Luxembourg who I've known since I can barely remember probably hasn't had the best week of his life this past week. Well his Mum, step-Dad, and two younger brothers (12 and 14) were all on flight MH17 - the one that was shot down over Ukraine with no survivors. I got a call at work from my Mum and she told me and I basically just sat down where I was. Probably the only time I've ever sworn loudly and she's not even commented. I didn't really know how to react so just went back to work because the stage needed clearing for a show that evening but pretty much just walking around completely dazed because I had no idea how to process it. I guess it was obvious something was up 'cause the guy I was working for asked what was up and I told him, then he said I should just go home and forget work. Pretty much just went out the back, rolled a cigarette and called my mate. Don't think I've ever spent so long on the phone with someone with neither person saying anything. Just nothing you can say. All the clichéd stuff about 'knowing how you feel' made no sense and probably would have been an insult because like hell could I know how he felt. I can't even remember how many times I went on holiday with them. I remember each of his brothers being born. I watched them growing up. His Mum was the only person I ever got to speak Dutch to - she would literally just talk to me in Dutch, which is about the only way I kept my knowledge of it. They basically always treated me like an extension of the family. So I guess what I'm struggling with here is how to deal with it all. Part of me wants to grieve them like they were my family, but then part of me kind of feels like I can't. Because that's for my mate. That's his grief, and somehow I don't feel like I can take that grief on myself. There has to be some differentiation because, sure it's like a chunk has been cut out of me but I'm not the one who has to go back to a 5-person family home and clear it out. I don't have to decide which of three countries my family should be buried in. I can still go home to a house where the people I saw every day of growing up will be and will be happy to see me. The only real reason I'm making this post is because I don't want to stick it up all over Facebook and the only person I really want to talk to is our other mutual best friend who's working for Camp America up in New England and can't get back until September. I got to Skype him for 40 minutes on Saturday but that was it. I don't really want sympathy or anything - like I said above, it's not mine to take. I just needed to write it down. I really don't care about the politics of the whole situation. That's not really important right now, it can wait. All I want is for repatriation so that my friend can say what goodbye there is to say. With that in mind I'd ask anyone who reads this to kindly keep any ideas or opinions on that matter to themselves. Don't think I've ever felt so powerless. So there you go.
Holy . Just now, checking that again, noticed that was 'by weaselux' - suddenly feel like an ass for not noticing sooner. I'm so sorry Weasel. I can't say I know exactly what you or your friend are going through, but there are a lot of people I feel pretty close to - like they are some extended family or something to that extent, and I imagine if they passed away I would grieve for them like any other family member of theirs would. I would think it's only natural for you to be as upset as your friend is, if you viewed them as a second family and such. Anyway... I can understand you wanting people to avoid the subject, so with that said, if you want to get your mind off the whole ordeal and can bring yourself to play some games, me and Garler have been playing DayZ lately, lots of Epoch shenanigans. Could always use more people to play with.
Aww Weasel. Your grief is your own and you can feel and deal however you need to. It's a horrible thing to lose people we love and there are no words that will fix it or make it better. You will be sad and you won't be the same and that is ok. Big hugs for you.
Just posting a brief update because stuff. Went to the memorial service for the family in Beckington on Friday, same church that they got married in. The vicar had to read my mate's prayer which didn't suprise me, but it was perfectly chosen, particularly the lines 'I seem to have all the things that don't matter, and to have lost all the things that do matter.' After the readings and prayers there was a pictorial tribute and the 4 candles were lit for the family. Was pretty much the perfect tribute. And they played one of my favourite pieces (though I play it on piano) on the organ: There's going to be another memorial for all the people who knew them back in Luxembourg at the end of September so there'll be that next. And at some point we might even get some sort of funeral.
